Unrivaled Pastures

Disloyalty consumes me like a defiant captive overtaken by the promises of a vigilant empire-

I cower to the deception despite the consequences by which my foolish heart is inhabited-

Pain overpowers me yet I disregard its presence-

I open my suspicious eyes to the ill intentions that present themselves as casualties of an ever raging war-

But I fight despite the fears that amass amidst the carnage I must face-

I sacrifice my pride like a lamb to a slaughter-

Disguising my suspicions in a world defiled by the torn flesh of existence-

I mend my wounds until the soft tissue scars-

Proudly displaying the disfigured beauty that surrounds me-

I am caressed by its subtle imperfections-

A newborn gently blanketed against a familiar bosom-

Like tenderness that blooms amongst the wilted petals of a dying rose-

I live as if a thorn within its garden-

But I’ve learned to cultivate the hope that had vanished without a prayer by which to rise from the tainted soil-

For I refuse to allow my inhibitions to flourish-

Sorrow has yet to conquer the complexity of my being-

And so I plant a seed and wait upon the fragile stem to grow into an impenetrable Eden of love-

I am rooted from an unencumbered desire to withstand the torment that beseeches me to no avail-

For I am relentless in my pursuit to turn the squalor of doubt into a burgeoning paradise succumbing to the unrivaled pastures of faith-

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She

She is an unseen silhouette against a backlit canopy-

Shadows refuse to inhabit the light of her being-

She burns like an endless candle despite the darkness that creeps in a world devoid of love-

She illuminates the forgotten depths of my heart-

Shining like a beacon from an abandoned shore-

She guides me in the absence of faith-

My blasphemous soul turning like a tide from the perils of doubt-

She is the essence of hope –

Rising amongst the tragedies that beseech me in moments of pain-

She is the clarity that I seek as I wander like a leper through the unnavigable mazes of life-

She tends to the lesions that I endure as I embrace the cruelty of an existence for which she seems to possess a cure-

She cleanses me like salt to a wound –

Tiny crystals seasoning the raw meat of my despair-

Sorrow subsides amidst the dawn of her rapture-

I am overtaken like a monarchy-

Ruled upon by the fearless majesty of my queen-

For she occupies the throne to which I declare my allegiance-

She fills my vacant spirit like fertility to a womb-

She is an ever extended pasture upon which I instinctively graze-

I am born again within the lush vegetation of her presence-

She is an illusion that transcends both time and space –

A willing captive to the throngs of mortality and the blessings of eternity-

She is an endless display of grace and passion-

Enveloped by a beauty for which words have yet to define the harmonious communion of the two-

She instilled into me an undying inspiration –

Its origin is untraceable but I dare not question the triumph that has prevailed-

And So I March Onward

I always assumed I’d leave an imprint within the hardened dirt upon which I tread-  
 
I’ve fantasized about that grand gesture to which the masses would cower like a swarm of angels to the cloak of Christ-
 
I swore I was destined for greatness –
 
A prestigious title beheld like a mighty General to an Army of loyal abiders-
 
But I am without a rank which deserves an honorable mention-
 
My head hangs low these days-
 
Shoulders slumped, back hunched-
 
Life is a crooked spine weighing down upon the decrepit remains from which I’m built-
 
My heart is a heavy crucifix that I wear as an emblem to my own mortality-
 
For wealth has abandoned me in times of misfortune-
 
But I’ve learned to live with less and I’ve become accustomed to the hardship which has molded me from an indistinguishable lump of clay into a glorious statue reigning upon the barren ruins of what I may become-
 
I am unnoticed but I possess an unwavering strength-
 
My accomplishments are menial at best but I’ve yet to display the prowess that stirs inside of me like a lustful beast dwelling within the rib cage of a weakened frame-
 
My spirit grows wildly despite the emptiness that has yet to be filled by the faith I was born to inherit-
 
For hope is immeasurable and I am bound to be blessed by its subtle embrace-
 
It is time to rise from the wreckage in a world composed of doom and dust-
 
I’ve exposed my frailties like a fearless soldier rebelling against the restraints of my own fear-
 
And so I march onward – reveling in the glory of my ascension from an eternal demise-
 

The Good with the Bad

I’m fascinated by Asian people yet I’m always confused when they have American accents.  For some absurd reason I find it to be incomprehensible that they have somehow managed to maintain roots in this country.  I find it incomprehensible that generations of families have flourished amidst war and hardship.

No.  I, instead, concentrate on the fact that I find it to be fucking annoying when they take pictures of their shoes or put up their hair in pigtails.  To be quite frank, I’m a little disappointed when they’re not from their country of origin.

They lose their appeal and mystique.  They become nothing more than confused Americans with a severe sensitivity to light.  And they always look lost like…’Where the fuck am I going right now?’  I always feel the need to either offer them directions, give them bowl cuts or adorn them with souvenir Mickey Mouse ears.

I scared the Hell out of a Chinese girl once.  I was in a Grocery store and she was in the aisle next to mine.  We were walking parallel to one another. She couldn’t see me peering through the cracks so I waited for her to start rummaging for a random item because I know she was oblivious to the world around her.

I began slowly moving objects to get closer to her until I eventually reached across the aisle, grazed her hand and whispered…’I’m gonna get you!’  There was really no reaction but a faint gasp.  She stared at me with emotionless eyes until she began awkwardly moving back and forth like a retarded chicken.  Was she planning her escape route in a giant aisle with two clearly marked exits?

She panicked for a moment, placed her hand over her mouth, muttered something in Chinese and began to laugh.  To this day I don’t know what the fuck was going through her head.  She looked like a Japanimation character with her perfectly trimmed bangs, a ‘Hello, Kitty’ backpack and a pleated skirt.  I just fucking hated her because she looked like a Stereotype.

It’s as if she woke up that morning and thought to herself….’How can I look as Asian as possible’. To be honest, I wanted to slant her view of Americans for some reason.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because in a few years she’ll end up engineering a fucking skyscraper while I’m hired as nothing more than a laborer on the construction crew.  It’s all good though – at least I can find my way out of a square room with four exits. I’ll take the good with the bad, I suppose.

The Gilded Cage

I expose my wounds and I endure the pain like a burden carried upon the wilted wings of deceit. I fall from the Heavens like a disgraced angel doomed to succumb to the wrath of its betrayal.

I seek solace in a world consumed by darkness for gravity defies the heights I yearn to reach. And the existence of light refuses to break through the shadows which loom with a hauntingly familiar presence.

I am lured like a misguided lamb towards the slaughter of my faith – the pastures of eternity are tainted by an everlasting distrust for salvation.

I’ve been a captive to the ink that bleeds upon frayed pages as scriptures are recited and parables are deciphered at pulpits from which ordinary men are bestowed with an extraordinary blessing of entitlement and reign.

I’ve sought redemption for my sins but I’ve yet to be embraced by the mercy to which my fragile heart has cowered. For God has no place amongst the wickedness that has risen with the sorrow that surrounds me.

It is unwilling to escape the confines of my being as my desolate soul is raped of its humanity.

I am a desecrated tomb eroded by the negligent hands of time. I am conquered by a frailty which blooms within me despite the tenacity with which I fought before my world crumbled like granite – a forgotten epitaph is chiseled into the polished stone of fate…..

For words are meaningless as moss grows heavy upon the steel bars of the gilded cage by which I am restrained.

Mathematicians of Deceit

I regress like a fearful apparition doomed to fade in a world overtaken by forgotten fragments of my past. Memories beseech me like a tyrant as I am forced to endure their presence like a mournful child widowed by innocence.

Death has become me – every breath is regretfully inhaled as I wait for mortality to wither like a wounded soldier retreating from the blood stained fields of time – its soil drenched with the tears of remorse – flowing like an unclaimed river into the depths of an inevitable demise.

My faith sinks like a stone into an ocean of unanswered prayers as I am drowned by a relentless tide of unreciprocated love. I have become emotionless and without desire – never daring to salvage the remains of my being which have been scattered like loose gravel to a hardened soul.

My dreams have fleeted like particles of dust unseen by the naked eye. They are lost and buried within the trenches from which uncertainty has yet to crawl. I am a spiritless entity wandering like a blasphemous creature through the perils of doubt – unawakened by the promises which haunt me in a world neglected by grace.

I desperately search for reason despite the logic that escapes me like pure intentions to a philanthropist. For truth is an undefinable equation forged by the mathematicians of deceit.

An Infinite Lust

I am haunted by an eternal unrest – my spirit claimed by an unassuming shadow of doubt. It unknowingly crept like a distant mirage into the unforeseen darkness to which my light is forced to cower.

I am abandoned by the beauty of its presence. It shined so brightly – its radiance bleeding from flawless skies – a deep blue contrasting against the essence of its being.

A peculiar sun undaunted by the sinking horizon to which it must inevitably succumb – lost like a dwindling flame into the blackness of night.

But, dreams of hope did flourish like mighty pillars holding the weight of an unencumbered slumber until a new dawn would instinctively rise amongst the ruins – burgeoning with an unbridled fury from a garden which would eventually be pillaged by time.

Immortality remained unquestioned for death seemed distant and unconsumed by fear. We were evoked by the subtleties of an untainted love. It was intricate and fierce yet flawlessly thread into the fabric of our existence.

Life was a tapestry of tightly woven moments of clarity undefinable by logic in a world aroused by blind faith. We were inhabited by an endless innocence unobscured by our own defenses.

It was instilled into our unblemished hearts like a fairy tale doomed to fail as the years progressed in spite of our apprehension and our unsuspicious eyes were opened to the brutality of those we once turned to for guidance.

But still we wait until our inspiration is rekindled and our dying promiscuity is awoken by an infinite lust for transcendence.

A Search for Salvation

I am threatened by the sky to which I turned to for inspiration. I am misguided by its dwindling light – its become a faded beacon unwilling to illuminate the shadows that surround me. I am lost amongst its ever growing night.

Its sun refuses to shine and its stars are forced to vanish despite the embers which burn with an inextinguishable rage. But every flame that rises eventually turns into a black soot – my life built from an everlasting coal – unrecognizable by even the fire which fed upon my desire with an insatiable hunger unfilled by the remorseless sands of time.

Regret is an inescapable consequence of mortality. Years progress like fleeting shadows doomed to disappear as the memories of what could have been flourish in a fragmented world of forgotten dreams and broken vows.

Pain replaces the beauty which bloomed amongst the untainted pastures of my youth. Innocence seemed to burgeon before deception raped my unsuspicious heart of its willingness to love.

I’ve grown callous and shameful of the coward I’ve become – a manipulated version of the man I use to be – a slave to the impenetrable puppet strings from which I hang. For sorrow is an unrelenting Marionette.

It descended upon me like a carnivore to scraps of raw meat. It dwells within the unseen depths of a perilous demise. I knew not of my fate until it presented itself as a dying glimmer of light swallowed by an eternal darkness.

For I remain unforgiven for the evils that I committed as I desperately search for salvation in a Hell where fairy tales have yet to find their place.

Time Seemed Endless

I am doomed to wither like the petals of an indistinguishable rose – my beauty flawed by deception as I succumb to the ever consuming wrath of temptation.

Like a closet junkie tightening a leather strap to expose the depleted vein of my existence – a rusted needle puncturing soft skin – poison flowing through my bloodstream as paralysis sets in.

My eyes roll and my heart pulsates. I am intoxicated by the pain. It is real and unbridled by the distractions which present themselves as an eternal truth in a world plagued by mere crescents of hope.

Logic has yet to find its place amongst the madness which seeps from my pores like a wild river fluently flowing towards an ocean of demise.

I sink like an anchor from an empty vessel – submerged deep beneath the surface like a reluctant tide retreating from a desolate shore.

I drown in the memories of my past – a lost apparition desperately searching for translation in an otherwise undefinable equation.

Tragedy rules upon me like a fearless predator overtaken by vengeance. I am devoured by its cannibalistic embrace.

My heart has grown hollow like a distant echo from a beating drum. I am defenseless against the truth of my being and pardoned not by the disposition that has become me.

Yet I am unwilling to rebel against the tyranny of my own fear. For Time seemed endless and unburdened by regret until it slowly vanished despite the tenacity with which it was chased.

Demise is Inevitable

I am estranged from the innocence that consumed me as a child.  I’ve become enslaved by an unrelenting doubt.  I am devoured like uncured meat –  the rotting scraps of my heart are exposed by the savages of misfortune.  

I am doomed to perish like a forgotten carcass swallowed by the trenches of time.  I am buried by the sediment of my own remorse.  I am an artifact – undiscovered still despite the depths from which I crawl.  

I am a serpent slithering within the underbelly of existence.  I am as lost as a misguided lamb lured by the untainted pastures of eternity.  Faith refuses to bloom amongst the dying remains by which I am plagued.  

Hope disappears like a ghost into the fog – its memory fleeting like a distant mirage in a desert of disdain.  I surrender myself to its presence but I am overtaken by the reality that my life is not my own.  

For I am a leper scarred by the lesions of uncertainty.  Fate ceases to fill the emptiness which rises like a suspicious dawn then falls upon the forgotten fields sowed beneath an unforgiving sun.  

Lies are tended to by the gardeners of obscurity and the truth is defended though its intentions are impure.  Demise is inevitable but I fear not the consequences of its being.  It creeps like an unassuming shadow – forever inhabiting the crevasses of my broken spirit until the comforting embrace of death relieves my heavy heart of the burdens its been forced to carry